Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Our Patriarch has left us- he has left us a lifetime of memories, of kindness, a legacy of education, culture, dedication to health and fitness, a vibrancy and love of life, and a unique gift to all of us here today remembering our beloved Ted, Grandpa, Uncle Ted, Dr. Theodore Zimmerman, Dad, and for me, beloved former father in law. My heart goes out to Rick, Jacqui, Michael, Ron, our sons David, Aaron, Ezra and Joey- cousins Phyllis and Margie, Manny, Richie, Aunt Renee, brothers Joe and Norman, many nieces and nephews here and countless friends here on earth and already passed waiting for him for the next great golf game in heaven. Margaret, his caretaker deserves special recognition as her devotion to Ted surely increased his years on earth with her loving attention with Rick and Jacqui devoting years to his care. Words have always been inadequate in describing my relationship with him in particular. Former Father In Law sounds weird, but it’s accurate. It doesn’t say what is in my heart- he really was like a father to me, but it felt dishonest to overuse the word, Dad- technically he wasn’t my father, but he acted and felt like a dad to me. Father in law, once for 22 years, but legally not, but forever connected through my boys, through beloved relatives I could not fathom releasing as society may have dictated. I will never forget his first act of incredible generosity. I was 22, had just gotten a job as a part time cantor but had no vehicle to get to my job! I started crying that I wasn’t sure how I could get to the job without a car and he immediately gave me his car keys- He said, not having daughters he wasn’t used to a girl crying and couldn’t stand to see me upset! He just handed me his keys and said, “ here, take my car, I’ll get another- “ The world that was presented to my boys growing up is a world not seen by many, and perhaps will not be seen by my grandchildren or many others. A world of utter delight, elegance, sumptuous buffets at world class country clubs, private golf and tennis lessons for young boys happy to wrestle on the floor or throw a ball- trips to Disney, twice yearly trips to Florida to experience a world of luxury and love, playtime and ocean walks- Grandpa was the center of our world in so many ways- For years his beloved Elaine, Grandma from Florida was the director of activities, the planner and queen in his kingdom. When the two of them summoned us for frequent vacations we knew everything would be taken care from the flight to the sleeping, eating, playing and experiencing. There were carefully selected gifts waiting, gorgeous clothes, country club meals and restaurant meals to delight, Golf, tennis, ocean swims, sand building, pool swimming with lessons from Grandpa, Special toys just there waiting for the boys to use- it was a never-ending world of generosity and love. The boys felt such a pull to grandpa that when they came to visit, he was made to stay back in the car until Grandma made her entrance and got her hugs and kisses. If Grandpa was there, poor Grandma was hardly noticed. The running and hugging to him was powerful. She wanted some of that and deserved it too! The only way was to hide Grandpa for a while! It is hard to describe what that meant years later when our world changed and realities were harsher. One by one, beloved grandparents passed away from cancer, first my mom in l996, then my dad in l997, then Elaine in 2001. Grandpa was our rock- he was there for every major life cycle event- every Bar Mitzvah, graduation and celebration- every holiday, every important meal. My parents did not live long enough to enjoy even one Bar Mitzvah, but Grandpa Ted was there for all four of them- all high school and college graduations- When it was no longer possible for him to live in Florida, after a few years with his sparkling companion Sylvia of blessed memory, or at an assisted living facility in Stamford, , Rick and Jacqui lovingly created a wing in their home just for him and wonderful Margaret. Michael was so fortunate to have Grandpa right there and I know has many wonderful memories to cherish as well. The last few years were a different dynamic. I enjoyed taking Ted to breakfast or lunch at a few regular places. Everyone knew him and looked forward to seeing him. Often a grandson would join us; Aaron, David, Ezra and Joey were regulars at mealtimes with Grandpa. The delight he took in everything from a simple bowl of soup especially homemade, or just being out with us was inspiring. He took us to the height of luxury but in the end, it was just being together and holding hands that mattered. Sitting in the car with a dunkin donuts coffee and blueberry muffin feeding the ducks at the Lakeside Diner became our excitement- life has funny turns in the road you can never foresee, but I always felt every experience with dad had a measure of elegance just because of him. How many former father in laws walk their former daughter in laws down the aisle a second time? I believe rarely! He embraced Scott and shared many a wonderful conversation about medicine and golf. They had a beautiful relationship too. He was incredibly handsome and dashing as a young man- in photos he looked like a movie star to me. Those handsome genes have been passed down to my boys and I know they are extra blessed because of Grandpa’s kishkes inside them. Who knew that Grandpa was such a great singer? Who knew he loved to sing at the top of his lungs, “ embrace me, my sweet embraceable you”? All the years he lived the exciting country club life with nonstop parties and golf tournaments we hardly heard him sing. As he got older, sitting and singing became one of our favorite activies. He even indulged me in saying he loved hearing me play cello- The singing became a wonderful way to communicate as he slowly forgot the present and remembered the past. Old songs were very present for him- old army chants, college songs, bugel calls, Gershwin tunes, helped lift our spirits. Thankfully we have so many videos of him singing, so many photos of our many years of delight with him to cherish and pass on. I know when my boys describe their grandfather to their children one day it will be with reverence and a love hard to describe. Abraham Joshua Heschel said to live your life as if it were a work of art- create something unique and beautiful out of this precious gift we call life. This is what Ted did- he created and lived a life of unsurpassing beauty, excitement, generosity, kindness, and love. His legacy will continue through his many acts of tzedakah for his family- His light will guide us and illumine for us a path May we all walk in his light May he find peace and rest in heaven as he reunites with his beloved Elaine who has been waiting a long time for him. The clothes have been laid out for a gala and the band is just beginning to play. Embrace me, my sweet embraceable you….